Misadventures in Dating June 4, 2010
Posted by A in Dating, Life, Random, Society, Vacation.add a comment
This is yet another installment in the chronicles of my dating life. At the beginning of the year I started chatting with a nice guy from NY state. We exchanged photos and spent a few months chatting on the phone, e-mailing, and texting each other. The conversations were great and it seemed that we had a lot in common. And maybe “on paper” we did. So after looking forward to each new chat or e-mail or text, we decided to meet. Because it was still the dead of winter where I live and nothing to do here, we decided to meet in a neutral place, somewhere I’ve never been before. We decided on Las Vegas.
I felt horribly deceived and duped. The pic he had of him looked like it was from high school (and neither of us has been in high school for at well over a decade). I suppose I should have realized something was amiss when the most recent pic of him was an oddly-angled pic of his face. He also did say he had a few extra pounds.
Don’t get me wrong, a few extra pounds is fine. I have a few extra pounds. But he had a few extra people! He was nearly three times bigger than I am. I’m sorry, but there are just logistical things to consider.
But then, if he would have been honest, it might have gone a little better. And I still wanted to give him a chance. Weight is something that can be changed, unlike some other things.
So we spent a few days together and I’ve never been so happy as when we parted. You see, he was incredibly cheap, something I really hate, especially in a man. He would say things like “let’s make sure we get your money’s worth by eating all the expensive stuff at the buffet”. I got so fed up with him that I payed for dinner, so he’d shut up about the price of the dinner buffet (about $35-$40 per person). He’d try to stuff himself with lobster and prime rib to “eat your money’s worth”.
Lawn
Since he rented the car (I paid half, actually more than that), we drove around Las Vegas. The lawns were about the size of a postage stamp and quite amusing. It’s impossible to fit a lawnmower on it it’s so small.
We also drove through Red Rock Canyon and it snowed. It was stunningly cold since I only packed a raincoat and a couple sweaters. I mean, who brings gloves to the desert? Certainly not I, and for which I was incredibly sorry. But the pictures were OK.
Snow at Red Rock Canyon
Lighthouses June 2, 2010
Posted by A in Life, self, Society.1 comment so far
I saw a commercial today that was enticing people to a particular state for vacation. It has picturesque scenes with lighthouses and sandy beaches. But it started me thinking. A lighthouse calls home those out at sea and also warns them of dangers (that they’re too close to shore perhaps). But what’s something that calls you home? What’s both your beacon in a fog as well as caution for a safe approach? What helps you rejuvenate and re-center yourself? What makes you feel recharged and ready to face the world?
At the Symphony – Vivaldi’s Four Seasons May 31, 2010
Posted by A in Art, Entertainment, Society.Tags: classical music, Entertainment, music, symphony, theater, vivaldi
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On a Friday night in February, I went to see a performance by my local symphony orchestra. I went right after work, so I had a lot of time to kill before the 8PM performance. I thoroughly enjoyed my “me” time. I went to a hotel across the street from the theater and ate at one of its restaurants. The food was great, the “me” time was nice too. I brought a book with me (I typically do when eating alone or when there’s a long wait) and was reading it while waiting and eating.
After dinner, I walked across the street and got a ticket. I got a great spot, right in the middle and elevated (balcony-type) so I could see everything.
I was very pleased to see that people actually dressed up for the occasion. Most other times I noticed that a vast majority of people weren’t dressed up. So I was glad to see the change. There were quite a few younger people too, though not at first. I thought I might be the only one, but there were plenty.
When the music started, it wasn’t the main attraction of the evening; something obscure, so I dozed off. I know, it’s terrible, but it was really boring and I was oh so very tired. But when the main attraction, Vivaldi’s Four Seasons, started I was on the edge of my seat and stayed there, with my elbows perched on the railing in front of me, during the entire performance. It was captivating and phenomenally good, so good it was nearly an out-of-body experience. Can’t imagine how good it would have been had it been played by some of the world’s greatest musicians. Speaking of whom, Itzhak Perlman will be making an appearance during the next season (sometime in the fall of 2010).
If you haven’t experienced the symphony live or any theatrical/operatic performance live, I’d highly recommend it. Listen to it on CD first to see if you’d like it, then go hear it live. Your whole body gets into the music and your mind floats.
Another Birthday… February 27, 2010
Posted by A in Life, Random, self.Tags: birthday
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Another birthday is coming up. I generally get a bit depressed around my birthday. Mainly ’cause nothing changed since the last one and because I still feel like I’m behind on life. But to be honest, the birthday that gave me the most trouble was my 25th. I mean, it was a quarter-century mark and what did I have to show for it? An unhappy marriage, no kids, I was layed off from a job I hated… and that was at the beginning of my 25th year. As that year drew to a close, there was more turmoil; my then husband lost his job and I couldn’t find any employment. Which meant I was getting really depressed. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t think, and couldn’t stop thinking about where my life wasn’t going.
Subsequent birthdays saw a divorce, a graduation (master’s degree), several changes of address, heart break, and soul-crushing loneliness.
And besides, I have’nt gotten to the point where my friends make a big fuss over my birthday. I mean, they should like me, right? Shouldn’t they want to celebrate with me, take me out for a drink, a cup of tea, or even just spend some time with me? Granted, most of them live a bit away. But they’re all bright, educated people who can plan.
Maybe I’m just a sucky friend. That would certainly explain it.
And I still feel behind in life. What do I have to show for my 30-some years? Some of my friends see me as a success. And by many standards I am; I am blessed with a job, being able to pay my bills, having my own place to call home, being able to travel and indulge a bit in my hobbies. But I want more. I have a certain vision of my life and where I am is not it. And what am I doing to get there? Nothing. I wanted to be a travel writer ’cause I love to travel but as you can see, my writing just sucks. A food writer, ’cause I love to cook and eat and think food is the glue that holds humanity together. But again… this writing thing…. I love photography and the only person who likes my photos is my grandma, bless her. Other family members (and friends) are just polite to tell me that they like my photos for I barrage them with links to my experiments with the camera.
Oh well. Another birthday coming. What unpleasantness is in store for me this year? I’m tired of that. But it never ends.
And life goes on…
On Fashion and Figures February 17, 2010
Posted by A in Celebrity, Dating, Shopping, Society, TV.Tags: fashion, figure, weight
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I find it ridiculous that fashion houses see women who have breasts, hips, and a butt as fat. In this article, model talks about her treatment and lack of modeling jobs because she’s considered “too fat”. I don’t know what the US equivalent to a UK Size 6 is, but she doesn’t look fat at all. She looks HEALTHY.
What is hard for me to understand is why women want to look the way fashion designers see women. Admit it, for the most part, women are not seen as women, but more as androgynous beings at best and pre-pubescent boys at worst. Look at the fashion shows and the clothes modeled, look in the stores. The clothes are made for for people who have no figure, who are a board, as my dad would say. Maybe it’s an “Old World Notion” that a woman should have a figure: hips, breasts, and butt. But without those, is it really a figure?
In my mind, the women who have a beautiful figure are Sofia Loren, Kate Winslet, Salma Hayek, and Penelope Cruz. Hillary Swank on the other hand does not have a beautiful figure, in my opinion, even though she is a phenomenal actress. But think about…. if a woman can play a teen-aged boy, then she doesn’t really have a woman’s figure. Can you imagine Kate Winslet in Boys Don’t Cry?
If you noticed that all the women who in my opinion have a great figure are non-American, it’s only by coincidence. Victoria Beckham is not American either and firmly believes in using Size 0 models. I do support the right of designers to chose whom ever they want to model their clothes. I just think that if a man is trying to make women look like men….. he’s probably not secure in his sexuality and may be gay (and might not know it).
And yes, I am writing this because I am very frustrated with shopping for clothes (an activity I loath) and the perception many American men have of how a woman should look. I have never been skinny, and never will. I am healthy and have the curves I think a woman should have. Could I stand to lose a few pounds? Sure. But that will not change the fact that I have a curvy figure, it will just reduce the curves every so slightly.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating that women should be fat or unhealthy. If you’re healthy, that’s all that matters. I’m just saying that it’s typically not healthy for a woman to be a size 0, but there are those who are perfectly healthy as a size 0. Though that’s not the norm.
Gifts before you meet February 13, 2010
Posted by A in Dating, Random, Relationships.Tags: blind date, Dating, gifts, online dating
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Because of where I live and the kind of man I’m looking for, it’s hard to find that in person. So, I’ve had to resort to online dating. I can’t say I’ve been successful in finding a boyfriend or anything more than that. What I have been successful in is finding mostly odd people (except a very small handful with whom I still keep in touch and consider friends).
And that brings me to the gifts. One guy I met online lived in Utah. Sounded nice on the phone and we decided to meet. He flew out to where I live and we did meet. He decided to bring me a few gifts. He got me an ice cream scoop, a belly dancing instruction video, a bouquet of yellow roses (he likes yellow), apricots from a tree in his yard, and some other trinkets. See, it would be cute/sweet/thoughtful if we actually had a relationship ’cause all those things relate to something we talked about. BUT…. That was our first date, and a blind date at that. It really creeped me out and I never saw him again. Just way too much way too soon.
Another time I got a bouquet of beautiful roses. So fantastic. I just didn’t realize that my address was online at that time, so after the initial excitement, I got a little freaked out. But that passed. Considering that it was close to a holiday, it was the perfect “gift”. Not too much, and not too little. Though, nothing would have been perfectly acceptable too since we’ve never met.
One guy I met in person did bring flowers and other little gifts. Too much too soon really does freak me out. Though, it did trouble me when I saw him holding a Victoria’s Secret bag and he hasn’t even touched my hand by that point. But it was only perfume. LOL. But still….
Time and scale matter.
Happy New Year January 3, 2010
Posted by A in Life, Society.Tags: goals, New Year's, resolutions
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It’s time for New Year’s resolutions. I always make them, but rarely keep them. This year, I’m taking the approach we use at work for annual goals. Basically, goals have to be measurable, time bound, and realistic. So, something like “be healthier” is admirable, but you can’t measure that and there’s no time frame associated with that. However, a goal of “going to the gym 3 times per week in January” or “snacking only on fruit” is much more actionable and realistic.
I know there are people who don’t really make goals or resolutions, but I wouldn’t know how to go about without them. Don’t get me wrong, they can change and I can decide not to work on a particular goal or to postpone it, but I have to have goals. I feel completely lost without them.
20 years ago… September 27, 2009
Posted by A in Life, Society.Tags: immigration, Life
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Twenty years ago this past Friday was the day we arrived here. The total flight was the longest of my life (at that point), it was cold, rainy, and dark when we finally arrived at our final destination. We didn’t speak the language, had no relatives here, no money, no car, no confidantes, no people we could ask for advice. What we did have was hope. And fear.
Only my dad and God know how hard it was for us and dad did everything he could to make it easier. I still marvel at how he managed it all; a sick wife, two little kids, and elderly mother, no language, no career, etc. After all, who needs an award-winning journalist in a little town who doesn’t speak the language of the country?
But like I said, we had hope and we had freedoms we never had before, and we had opportunities. Twenty years ago, America had those things, it was a different America. Now, it resembles the country we left more and more to a frightening degree. Who knows, maybe my children will need to move to a different country when things here get like the “old country”. I hope not, for I know of no other country like America; where opportunities are abundant and freedom is real. Even now, I feel lucky, privileged, and proud to be an American. But now my fear of twenty years ago has been transformed from a fear of not knowing how things will turn out to a fear of knowing how things will be, should they continue on this path.
“Volunteering” September 27, 2009
Posted by A in Life, Money, Morality, Politics.Tags: Life, volunteering, work
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I believe that volunteering is an important part of someone’s life, if that person believes in it. I also believe that it should be private and anonymous. What I dislike is when this volunteering comes from your place of employment. Specifically, I feel that if there is some sponsored/approved volunteering activity, it should be low-key. I’ve worked in some large companies and smaller ones. The large companies tend to have spans of weeks where there are activities and solicitation of money for charities go on. In one company, I was told that it would reflect poorly on annual reviews if people didn’t participate in these volunteering activities. At that point, to me, they stop being “volunteering” activities and more like “forced labor” or “networking opportunities”. I strongly disagree with this.
This year, I’ve been asked to volunteer as solicitor for a campaign for a charity. I think it should be telling to those who ask that if a person hasn’t signed up to volunteer, then there are reasons for it. And if you ask someone to volunteer, that person might not feel like he or she has an option to decline.
I feel very hypocritical about this whole. Here I am asking people to do something when I don’t think I have a right to even ask them. How people spend time and money outside of work is up to them and I feel that employers shouldn’t mix the two. I think information should be provided and if people feel compelled, they will donate either money, or time, or both. But employers shouldn’t devote the time and energy of their employees for soliciting such donations.
So why did I agree? I feel that I didn’t really have an option to decline. There is no positive for me by declining. I also looked at it as something to put as an activity I participated in for my annual review.
Questions August 19, 2009
Posted by A in Dating, Relationships.Tags: Life, Relationships, Society
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I often have questions that I can’t answer run through my head.
Is love without chemistry possible?
What is love?
What does it feel like? What does it look like?
Why can’t anyone explain it to me?
How do you know if you’re in love? And no, “you just know” isn’t a good answer.
Am I willing to compromise on love in order to get other things in life that I want (husband and kids)?
How long will I wait?
Is there anyone out there who will love me, just as I am?
Will I find a man who will inspire me to be better?
Will I ever find a man who will be proud of me (family doesn’t count here)? Will I be proud of him? Does he even exist? Do I know him and just don’t realize it yet?
What’s wrong with me? Why do men find me intimidating? I hate that word, but even my friends tell me that. I don’t think there’s anything astonishing or remarkable or earth-shattering about me.
As always, these questions say more about me than I’d probably like, but that’s how life is.
