TashJGirl

I was in a slightly awkward situation today.  Awkward just for me.  I was in a room with a guy who looked so much like someone I had very deep feelings for.  The guys could have been brothers (but they’re not related).  I know that a year ago I would not have been able to concentrate on the task at hand and participate in the meeting.  Today, I was just startled when he walked into the room.  Just a momentary question in my mind – “what’s he doing here, he doesn’t work here”.  But then I realized it’s the look-alike.  And all was fine.  I want to believe that if I ran across this other guy, the actual guy I had those feelings for, I’d be able to handle it like an adult, to pretend like nothing happened and socialize if need be, or say “hello” and move along if that’s an option.

I guess things like this happen when we don’t get answers or the “closure” everyone seems to be talking about. But there’s always closure, just maybe no explanations.  And explanations is what I really like; I like knowing and it drives me positively mad not knowing.  The “what if”s and “maybe”s keep me wrapped inside my mind for a long time.  Then, one day, it’s less.  And the next week, it might be less.  Eventually, I move on.  But I still want answers, fully realizing I’ll never have them.  Oh well.  It’s life.  And I’m dealing with it.