TashJGirl

I’ve been asked many times what I look for in a guy.  First and foremost, I look for him to be a man, not just a “guy” or “boy”.

It really boils down to only a few things that I look for: the man has to be confident in himself; has to be a mensch, and has to have a great laugh/smile.

On the surface, this seems like it would be pretty easy for me to find a man who is of my religion, is confident, and has a great laugh.  But then I have to explain what I mean by all those things.

First, to me confident doesn’t mean that the man is showing off in any way.  If you’re truly confident, you don’t care what others think about you, but you are aware of what they think.  Because you’re also not a social idiot, you are aware of social norms and know the time and place when it’s OK to deviate from them.  Going to a formal wedding in shorts and a polo shirt is not a time or place to flaunt social norms, no matter how confident you are; it’s just plain rude. A confident man isn’t rude.  Also, by confident, I mean quietly confident.  Not brutish, rude, patronizing, demeaning, condescending or anything of the sort.  Those demonstrate your lack of confidence, not the presence of it.

Secondly, what does it mean (to me) to be a mensch?  It means that you are reliable, trustworthy, honest, honorable, polite, gentlemanly, respectful, you pull your own weight, you do the right thing, you do what needs to be done, you spend wisely, your friends respect you/ask for your advice, and you are someone I would be proud of.  You are someone your kids should be proud of, someone they would look up to.  This is one of the hardest things to find in today’s males; to me, this is what separates the boys/guys from men.

Notice that up to now, I haven’t mentioned appearance.  I find confidence to be very sexy.  But so is a great smile and a great laugh.  It’s amazing to walk into a room and find a man with a great laugh telling a joke and laughing.  The whole room is infected with laughter and everyone is happier.  Of course, there’s a certain charisma/charm that goes with it. When was the last time you truly had a great laugh?  Wouldn’t you like to laugh like that, to feel that light and alive more often?  I know I do.  As far as physical attributes, the man would have to be taller (and hopefully wider) than me.  [Yes, I feel self-conscious if I think the guy is thinner than I am.]  But finding someone taller than me hasn’t really been a problem in the past.  It’s all the other things that are truly hard to find.

Of course, I could go on and on (maybe in another post) about what I’m looking for, but I think these are at the top of my list.