20 years ago… September 27, 2009
Posted by A in Life, Society.Tags: immigration, Life
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Twenty years ago this past Friday was the day we arrived here. The total flight was the longest of my life (at that point), it was cold, rainy, and dark when we finally arrived at our final destination. We didn’t speak the language, had no relatives here, no money, no car, no confidantes, no people we could ask for advice. What we did have was hope. And fear.
Only my dad and God know how hard it was for us and dad did everything he could to make it easier. I still marvel at how he managed it all; a sick wife, two little kids, and elderly mother, no language, no career, etc. After all, who needs an award-winning journalist in a little town who doesn’t speak the language of the country?
But like I said, we had hope and we had freedoms we never had before, and we had opportunities. Twenty years ago, America had those things, it was a different America. Now, it resembles the country we left more and more to a frightening degree. Who knows, maybe my children will need to move to a different country when things here get like the “old country”. I hope not, for I know of no other country like America; where opportunities are abundant and freedom is real. Even now, I feel lucky, privileged, and proud to be an American. But now my fear of twenty years ago has been transformed from a fear of not knowing how things will turn out to a fear of knowing how things will be, should they continue on this path.
“Volunteering” September 27, 2009
Posted by A in Life, Money, Morality, Politics.Tags: Life, volunteering, work
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I believe that volunteering is an important part of someone’s life, if that person believes in it. I also believe that it should be private and anonymous. What I dislike is when this volunteering comes from your place of employment. Specifically, I feel that if there is some sponsored/approved volunteering activity, it should be low-key. I’ve worked in some large companies and smaller ones. The large companies tend to have spans of weeks where there are activities and solicitation of money for charities go on. In one company, I was told that it would reflect poorly on annual reviews if people didn’t participate in these volunteering activities. At that point, to me, they stop being “volunteering” activities and more like “forced labor” or “networking opportunities”. I strongly disagree with this.
This year, I’ve been asked to volunteer as solicitor for a campaign for a charity. I think it should be telling to those who ask that if a person hasn’t signed up to volunteer, then there are reasons for it. And if you ask someone to volunteer, that person might not feel like he or she has an option to decline.
I feel very hypocritical about this whole. Here I am asking people to do something when I don’t think I have a right to even ask them. How people spend time and money outside of work is up to them and I feel that employers shouldn’t mix the two. I think information should be provided and if people feel compelled, they will donate either money, or time, or both. But employers shouldn’t devote the time and energy of their employees for soliciting such donations.
So why did I agree? I feel that I didn’t really have an option to decline. There is no positive for me by declining. I also looked at it as something to put as an activity I participated in for my annual review.
Movies August 13, 2009
Posted by A in Entertainment, Life, Society.Tags: men, movie, Society
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I really don’t like going to the movie theater much. It has everything to do with rude people who answer their phone, text, eat noisily, or open up a scrunchy bag of snacks. I hate the little noises. But I figured that if I go to a late showing and on a week day, the chances of those things happening is greatly dimished. I love it when I’m right.
So today I went to see the new chick-flick, Julia and Julia. I liked it. It was just a very heart-warming, charming, almost nostaligia-inducing movie. Almost makes me want to go to Paris. Almost. I know, I’m crazy for not having Paris at the top of my list, but it’s not. And I even took French in high school with the sole purpose of going to France someday (though at the time, I thought “some day” would be the Junior year trip, which I didn’t participate in).
The other reason I really liked the movie is that it’s a rare gem where an American male who is white, a husband, is portrayed in a positive light. There were two such examples in the movie. Both husbands were depicted as loving and caring and really believing in their wives. They encouraged them when they needed it, they wiped the tears and listned when it was needed, they were there and they paid attention. How much of that was true to life I don’t know, but it was good to see a positive representation of a man.
What do I look for… June 30, 2009
Posted by A in Dating, Life, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, Life, men, Relationships
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I’ve been asked many times what I look for in a guy. First and foremost, I look for him to be a man, not just a “guy” or “boy”.
It really boils down to only a few things that I look for: the man has to be confident in himself; has to be a mensch, and has to have a great laugh/smile.
On the surface, this seems like it would be pretty easy for me to find a man who is of my religion, is confident, and has a great laugh. But then I have to explain what I mean by all those things.
First, to me confident doesn’t mean that the man is showing off in any way. If you’re truly confident, you don’t care what others think about you, but you are aware of what they think. Because you’re also not a social idiot, you are aware of social norms and know the time and place when it’s OK to deviate from them. Going to a formal wedding in shorts and a polo shirt is not a time or place to flaunt social norms, no matter how confident you are; it’s just plain rude. A confident man isn’t rude. Also, by confident, I mean quietly confident. Not brutish, rude, patronizing, demeaning, condescending or anything of the sort. Those demonstrate your lack of confidence, not the presence of it.
Secondly, what does it mean (to me) to be a mensch? It means that you are reliable, trustworthy, honest, honorable, polite, gentlemanly, respectful, you pull your own weight, you do the right thing, you do what needs to be done, you spend wisely, your friends respect you/ask for your advice, and you are someone I would be proud of. You are someone your kids should be proud of, someone they would look up to. This is one of the hardest things to find in today’s males; to me, this is what separates the boys/guys from men.
Notice that up to now, I haven’t mentioned appearance. I find confidence to be very sexy. But so is a great smile and a great laugh. It’s amazing to walk into a room and find a man with a great laugh telling a joke and laughing. The whole room is infected with laughter and everyone is happier. Of course, there’s a certain charisma/charm that goes with it. When was the last time you truly had a great laugh? Wouldn’t you like to laugh like that, to feel that light and alive more often? I know I do. As far as physical attributes, the man would have to be taller (and hopefully wider) than me. [Yes, I feel self-conscious if I think the guy is thinner than I am.] But finding someone taller than me hasn’t really been a problem in the past. It’s all the other things that are truly hard to find.
Of course, I could go on and on (maybe in another post) about what I’m looking for, but I think these are at the top of my list.
It’s been a while… June 26, 2009
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Turns out that people actually noticed that I stopped posting here. I didn’t think anyone would notice, especially since my highest daily visitor total was 9. So, I shall start posting here more.
One thing I certainly want to post on here is my latest gardening attempt. This year, I actually went to a garden store and bought some flowers and went to afarm to get some herbs and veggies. But that post will be coming soon. Hopefully.
Dealing with it April 27, 2009
Posted by A in Life, Relationships.Tags: Life, Relationships
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I was in a slightly awkward situation today. Awkward just for me. I was in a room with a guy who looked so much like someone I had very deep feelings for. The guys could have been brothers (but they’re not related). I know that a year ago I would not have been able to concentrate on the task at hand and participate in the meeting. Today, I was just startled when he walked into the room. Just a momentary question in my mind – “what’s he doing here, he doesn’t work here”. But then I realized it’s the look-alike. And all was fine. I want to believe that if I ran across this other guy, the actual guy I had those feelings for, I’d be able to handle it like an adult, to pretend like nothing happened and socialize if need be, or say “hello” and move along if that’s an option.
I guess things like this happen when we don’t get answers or the “closure” everyone seems to be talking about. But there’s always closure, just maybe no explanations. And explanations is what I really like; I like knowing and it drives me positively mad not knowing. The “what if”s and “maybe”s keep me wrapped inside my mind for a long time. Then, one day, it’s less. And the next week, it might be less. Eventually, I move on. But I still want answers, fully realizing I’ll never have them. Oh well. It’s life. And I’m dealing with it.
Girls’ Day at the Art Museum March 15, 2009
Posted by A in Art, Entertainment, Friends, Hobbies, Life, Western Civilization.Tags: Art, Friends, jan lievens
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I’ve been wanting to check out the museum’s new exhibit for quite some time, and today I went with 2 of my girl friends. The exhibit was displaying Jan Lievens’ work. I’ve seen other painings in this style (by van Dyck, Rembrandt, and Rubens) so I knew I’d like the artwork at least to some degree. I have to say I liked it quite a bit.
To me, this is art. It was beautiful, it required quite a bit of skill as well as tallent and training. The people in the paintings seems to be alive, like they’d just walk off the frame and shake your hand. The eyes in the portraits look alive and intelligent. The objects in still life paintings (Stil life with books – this one was my favorite, I think) look so real you can touch them. That pitcher, the highlights, and the books. The books look so real that I can almost smell the dust and the leather of the binding. You can almost feel the grime on the musical instrument that’s in the background.
I was completely shocked at how he depicted cloth. In one painting, Profile of an old woman, the gauzy head covering is stunningly painted. You can see how the organza folds and the shimmer and gold highlights. In another painting, he shows his mastery by painting silk in such a way that makes it glow.
We took our time at the exhibit and walked through it slowly, savoring the experience.
After this, we deicded to visit the rest of the museum and see what’s there. I haven’t been to the museum for a few years, so it was nice to see what else they had. I didn’t enjoy the rest of the museum as I enjoyed the Lievens’ exhibit. Let’s just say that my idea of art and many people’s idea of art varies wildly. Some things look more like an engineering braintease yet others are just canvases colored in a single color, and some are just like something a first-grader could paint. I don’t know what it’s supposed to make me think other than I could have done the same and gotten paid a lot of money. It doesn’t inspire me, it doesn’t make me think, it doesn’t uplift, and it looks like it takes no skill whatsoever. If you painted a wall at any point in your life, you could have painted some of the things on the walls of the museum. But to some it’s art. To me, it’s not.
Agency Date #9 March 3, 2009
Posted by A in Dating, Life, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, dating service, Life, Society
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Ok, this is the last date I went on and it was yesterday. The guy was OK. At least he showed up on time and had clean clothes (mind you, the clothes weren’t ironed). But I had the feeling that none of us wanted to be there. I certainly didn’t, and he yawned enough to make me think he’d rather be elsewhere. The agency told me his age was in the mid-30s. I think they made a mistake; he looked to be a lot closer to 40 than they indicated. And that’s not really a big issue.
There was absolutely no chemistry, nothing interesting to talk about, just blah. I have met some interesting people, some whose comments and questions challange you in a completely conversational and non-confrontational manner. Those conversations are exciting and envigorating. The conversation with this guy…. I felt like I was half-asleep; it was quite boring. And I have to admit, I was exhausted. But I didn’t want to reschedule since this date was alredy rescheduled from a different day. The guy probably thought I was completely boring too. Which is fine. I don’t care what he thinks of me since I won’t see him again.
Oh well.
I’m finding it increasingly more difficult to be optimistic about dating. Did I mention that dating sucks and that I hate it?
Agency Date #8 March 2, 2009
Posted by A in Dating, Life, Random, Relationships.Tags: Dating, dating service, Life, Relationships
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UGH! I HATE DRIVING IN CHICAGO!!!!!!!
I was set to be 15 minutes early, but instead, ended up being 30 minutes late! I hate it. I called the restaurant a few times to tell him that I was stuck in traffic. And the thing is, I was stuck on the OFF RAMP! Seriously! Then, the street I needed was closed. UGH! And the GPS kept taking me in ever-widening concentric circles. I couldn’t find this restaurant the agency claims is really easy to find. Also, I asked them to pick a place closer to me, so I wouldn’t have to drive for 2 hours each way. What do they do? Find a place that’s 1 exit, that’s right, 1 exit closer!!
So I finally get there. The restaurant was incredibly loud and busy, so I could hardly hear what the guy was saying. The guy was nice enough, I suppose. But I was too distracted by a facial tick. I have a weird dislike of mouth twitches which is why I can’t stand to watch Brad Pitt. Part of the time the guy’s left side of the mouth was still, almost paralyzed, and at other times, it was moving just fine and the other side of the mouth was “paralyzed”. Very distracting.
The other thing that was a little awkward is that the guy was just too tall. I’m short (about 5 foot tall), and I’m gonna guess that the guy was about 6′4. Normally, a tall guy is not a problem; most of my friends are around 6 foot tall, and one of my former dance instructors was about that height. I almost feel comfortable with someone that tall, but this guy was just too tall.
Other than the mouth twitch and height, I can’t say that there was anything wrong with the guy. Just nothing in common, no chemistry.
Voices March 1, 2009
Posted by A in Friends, Life, Random.Tags: sounding similar, voices
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No, I don’t mean “voices” in the imaginary sense, or hearing something in my head. I mean actual voices. When was the last time you thought about someone’s voice. Today, I was speaking with someone I haven’t spoken to in at least 3 years, maybe more. What struck me was how much he sounded like his brother. Same style/manner of speaking, same intonation, and very similar voices. At first, I was really surprised and thought I was speaking with the other brother, but it was soon apparent that I wasn’t.
The other thing that made me think about this more is because I was chatting with my friend the other day and realized how much she sounded like her mother. The way she pronounces certain words in uncanny.
I wonder if my sister and I sounds as similar. I know sometimes our relatives can’t tell us apart the first few seconds, but what about others? Hmm….
