What do I look for… June 30, 2009
Posted by A in Dating, Life, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, Life, men, Relationships
2 comments
I’ve been asked many times what I look for in a guy. First and foremost, I look for him to be a man, not just a “guy” or “boy”.
It really boils down to only a few things that I look for: the man has to be confident in himself; has to be a mensch, and has to have a great laugh/smile.
On the surface, this seems like it would be pretty easy for me to find a man who is of my religion, is confident, and has a great laugh. But then I have to explain what I mean by all those things.
First, to me confident doesn’t mean that the man is showing off in any way. If you’re truly confident, you don’t care what others think about you, but you are aware of what they think. Because you’re also not a social idiot, you are aware of social norms and know the time and place when it’s OK to deviate from them. Going to a formal wedding in shorts and a polo shirt is not a time or place to flaunt social norms, no matter how confident you are; it’s just plain rude. A confident man isn’t rude. Also, by confident, I mean quietly confident. Not brutish, rude, patronizing, demeaning, condescending or anything of the sort. Those demonstrate your lack of confidence, not the presence of it.
Secondly, what does it mean (to me) to be a mensch? It means that you are reliable, trustworthy, honest, honorable, polite, gentlemanly, respectful, you pull your own weight, you do the right thing, you do what needs to be done, you spend wisely, your friends respect you/ask for your advice, and you are someone I would be proud of. You are someone your kids should be proud of, someone they would look up to. This is one of the hardest things to find in today’s males; to me, this is what separates the boys/guys from men.
Notice that up to now, I haven’t mentioned appearance. I find confidence to be very sexy. But so is a great smile and a great laugh. It’s amazing to walk into a room and find a man with a great laugh telling a joke and laughing. The whole room is infected with laughter and everyone is happier. Of course, there’s a certain charisma/charm that goes with it. When was the last time you truly had a great laugh? Wouldn’t you like to laugh like that, to feel that light and alive more often? I know I do. As far as physical attributes, the man would have to be taller (and hopefully wider) than me. [Yes, I feel self-conscious if I think the guy is thinner than I am.] But finding someone taller than me hasn’t really been a problem in the past. It’s all the other things that are truly hard to find.
Of course, I could go on and on (maybe in another post) about what I’m looking for, but I think these are at the top of my list.
Agency Date #9 March 3, 2009
Posted by A in Dating, Life, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, dating service, Life, Society
add a comment
Ok, this is the last date I went on and it was yesterday. The guy was OK. At least he showed up on time and had clean clothes (mind you, the clothes weren’t ironed). But I had the feeling that none of us wanted to be there. I certainly didn’t, and he yawned enough to make me think he’d rather be elsewhere. The agency told me his age was in the mid-30s. I think they made a mistake; he looked to be a lot closer to 40 than they indicated. And that’s not really a big issue.
There was absolutely no chemistry, nothing interesting to talk about, just blah. I have met some interesting people, some whose comments and questions challange you in a completely conversational and non-confrontational manner. Those conversations are exciting and envigorating. The conversation with this guy…. I felt like I was half-asleep; it was quite boring. And I have to admit, I was exhausted. But I didn’t want to reschedule since this date was alredy rescheduled from a different day. The guy probably thought I was completely boring too. Which is fine. I don’t care what he thinks of me since I won’t see him again.
Oh well.
I’m finding it increasingly more difficult to be optimistic about dating. Did I mention that dating sucks and that I hate it?
Agency Date #8 March 2, 2009
Posted by A in Dating, Life, Random, Relationships.Tags: Dating, dating service, Life, Relationships
add a comment
UGH! I HATE DRIVING IN CHICAGO!!!!!!!
I was set to be 15 minutes early, but instead, ended up being 30 minutes late! I hate it. I called the restaurant a few times to tell him that I was stuck in traffic. And the thing is, I was stuck on the OFF RAMP! Seriously! Then, the street I needed was closed. UGH! And the GPS kept taking me in ever-widening concentric circles. I couldn’t find this restaurant the agency claims is really easy to find. Also, I asked them to pick a place closer to me, so I wouldn’t have to drive for 2 hours each way. What do they do? Find a place that’s 1 exit, that’s right, 1 exit closer!!
So I finally get there. The restaurant was incredibly loud and busy, so I could hardly hear what the guy was saying. The guy was nice enough, I suppose. But I was too distracted by a facial tick. I have a weird dislike of mouth twitches which is why I can’t stand to watch Brad Pitt. Part of the time the guy’s left side of the mouth was still, almost paralyzed, and at other times, it was moving just fine and the other side of the mouth was “paralyzed”. Very distracting.
The other thing that was a little awkward is that the guy was just too tall. I’m short (about 5 foot tall), and I’m gonna guess that the guy was about 6′4. Normally, a tall guy is not a problem; most of my friends are around 6 foot tall, and one of my former dance instructors was about that height. I almost feel comfortable with someone that tall, but this guy was just too tall.
Other than the mouth twitch and height, I can’t say that there was anything wrong with the guy. Just nothing in common, no chemistry.
Agency Date #7 February 27, 2009
Posted by A in Dating, Life, Random, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, dating service, Life, Society
add a comment
Actually, I was pleasantly surprised. The guy was confident, positive, happy/content, well-traveled, interesting, educated, pleasant looking, he has a good job (he can support himself), and he could carry on a conversation. Of course, the agency had to screw things up. Here are the 2 major ways they managed to do that:
1. They told me the wrong age for the guy, he ended up being 13 years older than I am, and that’s a little creepy to me. Not to say that it can’t work for someone else.
2. He isn’t interested in having more kids. That’s a deal breaker for me. But it makes sense given his age and that his oldest daughter is 20, which makes her closer to my age than him. That too is creepy.
DAMN! Oh well, hopefully the agency will get it right soon, though I’m not holding my breath.
Agency date “#5″ October 29, 2008
Posted by A in Dating, Life, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, Life, Relationships, single life, Society
2 comments
I don’t think I’ve been on a date more disastrous than this. Ever!
The first sign that this will be terrible was when the guy was about 10 minutes late. NEVER be late on a date. EVER! Call the restaurant and let the hostess/maitre ‘d let the other person know that you’ll be late ’cause you’re saving the world from a nuclear holocaust. That might be acceptable. Other than that, DON’T BE LATE!
The next troubling thing I noticed that he looked like Picasso rearranged Harry Connick Jr.’s face. The agency described him as “cute”. Nothing Picasso painted is “cute”. I don’t want to sound mean, but when I describe what I find attractive in a man’s physical attributes, crooked teeth, sideways nose, and shifty eyes don’t come into the description.
This guy was described as a chef. Turns out, he’s a cook at an elder care facility. And there’s nothing wrong with that, except a cook isn’t a chef. In addition to working as a cook, he also works as a lot attendant at a car dealership. Again, nothing wrong with that, except that the agency characterized their clients as professionals. To me, that means doctors, lawyers, accountants, teachers, IT folks, etc. Not lot attendants.
He barely got an Associate’s degree and to me, education is really important. Which is why I have a Master’s degree. When I told the agency that education is important to me, they must have thought that ANY education is good.
Then he ordered coffee. It took him about 5 minutes to figure out a tip on a cup of coffee!!! I don’t know if this guy is literate.
He was also described as ambitious. His greatest ambition, he told me, was to be a line cook at a restaurant.
The agency also described him as well traveled. The farthest the guy ever went is Chicago, which is about 75 miles from here. The guy spent his whole life in the same place and we to the “big city”, in a different state once!!!!!
And to top it all off, the guy has two cats!!!! I really don’t like cats, and I’m allergic. The date was short; I was back home within the hour. I think I saw the guy for only 35 minutes or so, and couldn’t wait to get out of there.
I’m so angry I’m still shaking and it’s been more than a week since this disaster.
Anyone know a good lawyer? The agency doesn’t want to refund my money.
Agency Date #4 October 7, 2008
Posted by A in Dating, Life, My Favorite Links, Random, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, Life, Relationships, Society
2 comments
You guessed it. It sucked. Again. Another strike for the agency.
I’m a person who is somewhat risk averse. Trying out a new restaurant or a type of cuisine is adventure enough. Who though that pairing me with a guy who likes snowmobiling and flying his own airplane is a good idea? I don’t even like roller coasters!
This guy was able to talk a little better than some others. But there’s only so much I can talk about with a guy who installs heating & cooling systems. We had nothing in common.
Agency Date #3 October 1, 2008
Posted by A in Dating, Life, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, Life, Relationships, Society
add a comment
A few days after Agency Date #2, I got a call from the agency and they told me “Great news, we have a new match for you and I think you’ll really like this guy”.
I was skeptical, naturally. But decided to give it a go. This guy is a few years younger (which could mean less mature, but not necessarily) and is a civil engineer. Again, I liked the science aspect.
As he and I started talking (yes, there actually was a conversation!), we realized that we went to the same university, just a few years appart. Since I graduated from the same college (college of applied science and engineering), it was interesting to see if we had any of the same teachers. It turned out that we didn’t have any instructors in common, but something even more obscure. When I worked at the university (as part of the work-study program), I worked for a Center that deals with by-products and how to use those by-poducts, such as ash, to strengthen concrete. Since this guy was a civil engineer, I asked if he new knew of that Center. Turns out, the director of the Center was his teacher, and that same director was my boss at some point.
Weird! We had a good laugh about it.
We talked about travel too, and I was intrigued about how much traveling he’s done.
At the end of the date, we actually exchanged some information (e-mail, phone number). I also told the agency that this is the general type of guy that would probably work for me, but to try to match a few more attributes (other than just being able to keep up with me in conversation).
But he and I exchanged a few e-mailes and a few phone calls. We planned to meet for lunch one day, but he canceled. Never heard from him since.
Dating still sucks.
Agency Date #2 October 1, 2008
Posted by A in Dating, Life, My Favorite Links, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, Life, Relationships, Society
add a comment
After diligently providing the details of why Date #1 was terrible and how to improve, I really had my hopes up for Date #2.
I should have known better. They way the guy was described was kinda like he was a hippie, but confused. He was at the outside of my dating age range, so I thought he’d be mature and a gentleman and interesting. I thought he’d have some interesting stories to tell, so I was hoping for a great conversation.
The guy hardly looked me the whole time! He kept looking over my left shoulder the whole time. That’s just rude. I traveled a little recently, and he did too, but his travels seemed to be before I was born. Yikes! Ok, not quite that long ago, but it sure felt like that. No conversation here. Just me sitting holding my glass of water and playing with the water droplets.
BORING!
Yet again I provide detailed feedback to the agency as to why this date sucked as well.
Dating still sucks October 1, 2008
Posted by A in Dating, Life, My Favorite Links, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, dating service, Life, Relationships
1 comment so far
I hate dating.
I had no luck with online dating sites and I tried a few of them. So I wanted to find something a little more personalized. Since I live in a fairly small city, we don’t have a lot of options here. But I found one international agency and they seemed OK. So I signed up. It costs A LOT! And it still sucks.
I met with a “director” for an hour and we chatted about this and that. I feel that she didn’t ask the important questions and this agency does not match on too many criteria, as it turns out. One of the reasons dating sucks for me is because I have a hard time finding people of a similar mind. I specified different things that are important to me, but they can only deal with 3 criteria.
Details of each date to follow.
Agency Date #1 October 1, 2008
Posted by A in Dating, Life, My Favorite Links, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, Life, Relationships, single life, Society
add a comment
So the agency set me up on a date with a radiologist. I thought “cool, I like science, I used to work for a medical devices company, so we’ll have something to talk about.”
Wrong. Talking to this guy was worse than pulling teeth (and I’ve had my teeth pulled in Russia! with what looked like pliers).
It was terrible. There are only so many times I can say “it’s interesting” and actually fake some interest. I’m not that good at acting. The hour and a half was miserable.
At the end of the date, I provided my feedback to the agency. I was hoping that Date #2 would be better.
