20 years ago… September 27, 2009
Posted by A in Life, Society.Tags: immigration, Life
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Twenty years ago this past Friday was the day we arrived here. The total flight was the longest of my life (at that point), it was cold, rainy, and dark when we finally arrived at our final destination. We didn’t speak the language, had no relatives here, no money, no car, no confidantes, no people we could ask for advice. What we did have was hope. And fear.
Only my dad and God know how hard it was for us and dad did everything he could to make it easier. I still marvel at how he managed it all; a sick wife, two little kids, and elderly mother, no language, no career, etc. After all, who needs an award-winning journalist in a little town who doesn’t speak the language of the country?
But like I said, we had hope and we had freedoms we never had before, and we had opportunities. Twenty years ago, America had those things, it was a different America. Now, it resembles the country we left more and more to a frightening degree. Who knows, maybe my children will need to move to a different country when things here get like the “old country”. I hope not, for I know of no other country like America; where opportunities are abundant and freedom is real. Even now, I feel lucky, privileged, and proud to be an American. But now my fear of twenty years ago has been transformed from a fear of not knowing how things will turn out to a fear of knowing how things will be, should they continue on this path.
“Volunteering” September 27, 2009
Posted by A in Life, Money, Morality, Politics.Tags: Life, volunteering, work
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I believe that volunteering is an important part of someone’s life, if that person believes in it. I also believe that it should be private and anonymous. What I dislike is when this volunteering comes from your place of employment. Specifically, I feel that if there is some sponsored/approved volunteering activity, it should be low-key. I’ve worked in some large companies and smaller ones. The large companies tend to have spans of weeks where there are activities and solicitation of money for charities go on. In one company, I was told that it would reflect poorly on annual reviews if people didn’t participate in these volunteering activities. At that point, to me, they stop being “volunteering” activities and more like “forced labor” or “networking opportunities”. I strongly disagree with this.
This year, I’ve been asked to volunteer as solicitor for a campaign for a charity. I think it should be telling to those who ask that if a person hasn’t signed up to volunteer, then there are reasons for it. And if you ask someone to volunteer, that person might not feel like he or she has an option to decline.
I feel very hypocritical about this whole. Here I am asking people to do something when I don’t think I have a right to even ask them. How people spend time and money outside of work is up to them and I feel that employers shouldn’t mix the two. I think information should be provided and if people feel compelled, they will donate either money, or time, or both. But employers shouldn’t devote the time and energy of their employees for soliciting such donations.
So why did I agree? I feel that I didn’t really have an option to decline. There is no positive for me by declining. I also looked at it as something to put as an activity I participated in for my annual review.
Questions August 19, 2009
Posted by A in Dating, Relationships.Tags: Life, Relationships, Society
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I often have questions that I can’t answer run through my head.
Is love without chemistry possible?
What is love?
What does it feel like? What does it look like?
Why can’t anyone explain it to me?
How do you know if you’re in love? And no, “you just know” isn’t a good answer.
Am I willing to compromise on love in order to get other things in life that I want (husband and kids)?
How long will I wait?
Is there anyone out there who will love me, just as I am?
Will I find a man who will inspire me to be better?
Will I ever find a man who will be proud of me (family doesn’t count here)? Will I be proud of him? Does he even exist? Do I know him and just don’t realize it yet?
What’s wrong with me? Why do men find me intimidating? I hate that word, but even my friends tell me that. I don’t think there’s anything astonishing or remarkable or earth-shattering about me.
As always, these questions say more about me than I’d probably like, but that’s how life is.
What do I look for… June 30, 2009
Posted by A in Dating, Life, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, Life, men, Relationships
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I’ve been asked many times what I look for in a guy. First and foremost, I look for him to be a man, not just a “guy” or “boy”.
It really boils down to only a few things that I look for: the man has to be confident in himself; has to be a mensch, and has to have a great laugh/smile.
On the surface, this seems like it would be pretty easy for me to find a man who is of my religion, is confident, and has a great laugh. But then I have to explain what I mean by all those things.
First, to me confident doesn’t mean that the man is showing off in any way. If you’re truly confident, you don’t care what others think about you, but you are aware of what they think. Because you’re also not a social idiot, you are aware of social norms and know the time and place when it’s OK to deviate from them. Going to a formal wedding in shorts and a polo shirt is not a time or place to flaunt social norms, no matter how confident you are; it’s just plain rude. A confident man isn’t rude. Also, by confident, I mean quietly confident. Not brutish, rude, patronizing, demeaning, condescending or anything of the sort. Those demonstrate your lack of confidence, not the presence of it.
Secondly, what does it mean (to me) to be a mensch? It means that you are reliable, trustworthy, honest, honorable, polite, gentlemanly, respectful, you pull your own weight, you do the right thing, you do what needs to be done, you spend wisely, your friends respect you/ask for your advice, and you are someone I would be proud of. You are someone your kids should be proud of, someone they would look up to. This is one of the hardest things to find in today’s males; to me, this is what separates the boys/guys from men.
Notice that up to now, I haven’t mentioned appearance. I find confidence to be very sexy. But so is a great smile and a great laugh. It’s amazing to walk into a room and find a man with a great laugh telling a joke and laughing. The whole room is infected with laughter and everyone is happier. Of course, there’s a certain charisma/charm that goes with it. When was the last time you truly had a great laugh? Wouldn’t you like to laugh like that, to feel that light and alive more often? I know I do. As far as physical attributes, the man would have to be taller (and hopefully wider) than me. [Yes, I feel self-conscious if I think the guy is thinner than I am.] But finding someone taller than me hasn’t really been a problem in the past. It’s all the other things that are truly hard to find.
Of course, I could go on and on (maybe in another post) about what I’m looking for, but I think these are at the top of my list.
Dealing with it April 27, 2009
Posted by A in Life, Relationships.Tags: Life, Relationships
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I was in a slightly awkward situation today. Awkward just for me. I was in a room with a guy who looked so much like someone I had very deep feelings for. The guys could have been brothers (but they’re not related). I know that a year ago I would not have been able to concentrate on the task at hand and participate in the meeting. Today, I was just startled when he walked into the room. Just a momentary question in my mind – “what’s he doing here, he doesn’t work here”. But then I realized it’s the look-alike. And all was fine. I want to believe that if I ran across this other guy, the actual guy I had those feelings for, I’d be able to handle it like an adult, to pretend like nothing happened and socialize if need be, or say “hello” and move along if that’s an option.
I guess things like this happen when we don’t get answers or the “closure” everyone seems to be talking about. But there’s always closure, just maybe no explanations. And explanations is what I really like; I like knowing and it drives me positively mad not knowing. The “what if”s and “maybe”s keep me wrapped inside my mind for a long time. Then, one day, it’s less. And the next week, it might be less. Eventually, I move on. But I still want answers, fully realizing I’ll never have them. Oh well. It’s life. And I’m dealing with it.
Agency Date #9 March 3, 2009
Posted by A in Dating, Life, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, dating service, Life, Society
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Ok, this is the last date I went on and it was yesterday. The guy was OK. At least he showed up on time and had clean clothes (mind you, the clothes weren’t ironed). But I had the feeling that none of us wanted to be there. I certainly didn’t, and he yawned enough to make me think he’d rather be elsewhere. The agency told me his age was in the mid-30s. I think they made a mistake; he looked to be a lot closer to 40 than they indicated. And that’s not really a big issue.
There was absolutely no chemistry, nothing interesting to talk about, just blah. I have met some interesting people, some whose comments and questions challange you in a completely conversational and non-confrontational manner. Those conversations are exciting and envigorating. The conversation with this guy…. I felt like I was half-asleep; it was quite boring. And I have to admit, I was exhausted. But I didn’t want to reschedule since this date was alredy rescheduled from a different day. The guy probably thought I was completely boring too. Which is fine. I don’t care what he thinks of me since I won’t see him again.
Oh well.
I’m finding it increasingly more difficult to be optimistic about dating. Did I mention that dating sucks and that I hate it?
Agency Date #8 March 2, 2009
Posted by A in Dating, Life, Random, Relationships.Tags: Dating, dating service, Life, Relationships
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UGH! I HATE DRIVING IN CHICAGO!!!!!!!
I was set to be 15 minutes early, but instead, ended up being 30 minutes late! I hate it. I called the restaurant a few times to tell him that I was stuck in traffic. And the thing is, I was stuck on the OFF RAMP! Seriously! Then, the street I needed was closed. UGH! And the GPS kept taking me in ever-widening concentric circles. I couldn’t find this restaurant the agency claims is really easy to find. Also, I asked them to pick a place closer to me, so I wouldn’t have to drive for 2 hours each way. What do they do? Find a place that’s 1 exit, that’s right, 1 exit closer!!
So I finally get there. The restaurant was incredibly loud and busy, so I could hardly hear what the guy was saying. The guy was nice enough, I suppose. But I was too distracted by a facial tick. I have a weird dislike of mouth twitches which is why I can’t stand to watch Brad Pitt. Part of the time the guy’s left side of the mouth was still, almost paralyzed, and at other times, it was moving just fine and the other side of the mouth was “paralyzed”. Very distracting.
The other thing that was a little awkward is that the guy was just too tall. I’m short (about 5 foot tall), and I’m gonna guess that the guy was about 6′4. Normally, a tall guy is not a problem; most of my friends are around 6 foot tall, and one of my former dance instructors was about that height. I almost feel comfortable with someone that tall, but this guy was just too tall.
Other than the mouth twitch and height, I can’t say that there was anything wrong with the guy. Just nothing in common, no chemistry.
Agency Date #7 February 27, 2009
Posted by A in Dating, Life, Random, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, dating service, Life, Society
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Actually, I was pleasantly surprised. The guy was confident, positive, happy/content, well-traveled, interesting, educated, pleasant looking, he has a good job (he can support himself), and he could carry on a conversation. Of course, the agency had to screw things up. Here are the 2 major ways they managed to do that:
1. They told me the wrong age for the guy, he ended up being 13 years older than I am, and that’s a little creepy to me. Not to say that it can’t work for someone else.
2. He isn’t interested in having more kids. That’s a deal breaker for me. But it makes sense given his age and that his oldest daughter is 20, which makes her closer to my age than him. That too is creepy.
DAMN! Oh well, hopefully the agency will get it right soon, though I’m not holding my breath.
Catching up February 14, 2009
Posted by A in Friends, Life, Random, Relationships, Society.Tags: catching up, Friends, Life, Society
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In the last few months I’ve been doing a lot of catching up. Not on things like work or house work or reading or whatever but catching up with people I haven’t seen in a while.
This past December a fried whom I haven’t seen in a few years was in town with his family. It’s been more than 2 years since I’ve seen them and it was good to catch up and meet his toddler. A very adorable boy who was very tired because his schedule was all different.
A few weeks ago, I had lunch with a friend whom I haven’t seen since my last birthday (which was almost a year ago). Turns out that he works practically across the street from where I work, but when he started work at this new job, it was too cold for us to meet for lunch. He did call a few months ago and I told him that I’m a wuss to go out in the cold and that we’d have to wait till the weather is better. Since he knows me well enough, he just chuckled and said “OK”. But the weather was absolutely great about a week or so ago, so I called him up and we had lunch. It was really great to catch up. Can’t believe his daughter is already 5 years old! I remember holding her when she was just 1 day old. Though, I bet she’s already nearly as tall as I am.
Then today, I had a chance to catch up with a college buddy whom I haven’t seen in about 10 years, if not more. We’ve exchanged a handful of e-mails through all that time, but never actually got to hang out. See, we were really great friends in college and used to hang out ALL the time. We had some crazy great conversations, did homework together, and even designed a website for one of the clubs on campus. But we went our different ways; he moved to CA and I stayed here.
Well, we finally got together in person and between bites of very delicious pizza shares some stories of the past 10 years. It was fun; the hours we spent chatting just flew by. But it was also surprising. After not seeing someone for such a long time, you never know how that person changed, if at all. The surprise was that we kinda picked up where we left off. Like the 10 years didn’t elapse. He also said that I’m still the same. I’m not sure about that; sure I have a few extra pounds, a few more gray hair, but I think I changed in some ways. I know I definitely learned a lot. But I also know that the core of who I am is the same (so he’s right on that account) and that core will never change. I often describe myself as WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get), take it or leave it, I am consistent. I don’t change to please someone, if I change, it’s to make me happy.
The Holidays and Christmas December 23, 2008
Posted by A in Holiday, Life, Morality, Politics, Religion, Western Civilization.Tags: Christmas, Holidays, Life, Politics, Random
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Ok, this has been bothering me for some time now. I’ve seen so many stories and read so many articles about Christmas celebrations being canceled, school pageants being canceled, carols are forbidden, and decorations are labeled as “offensive”. They’re canceled because someone feels threatened. Why? I don’t understand this. Why does someone feel threatened by another’s beliefs? Especially when it’s a holiday. I’m talking specifically about Christmas. Granted, if the celebration involved shooting guns/rifles in the air, I’d feel quite threatened, especially by stray bullets. But the face of Christmas includes a decorated fir, Santa Clause, and stockings on the fireplace.
I’m not Christian, so I don’t celebrate Christmas, but when people wish me “Merry Christmas”, I wish them happy holidays or say “thanks, you too”. It doesn’t bother me to have a 10-story tall Christmas tree in the shopping center or one at work. I think they’re beautiful. Certainly not threatening.
If people believe in Christ and want to celebrate Christmas, what’s wrong with that? Pesonally, I think the people who are threatened are the ones who want total and complete control over YOUR life, and YOUR beliefs. WHY?! Are the beliefs of the threatened that weak that they can be swayed by seeing a decorated tree? Are their beliefs so weak to be swayed by good cheer and warm wishes, by lights on the outside of the house and an inflatable Santa?
As long as celebrations are peaceful, let people celebrate. Let them believe what they believe even if those beliefs don’t match your own.
So, to those who celebrate Chrstimas: Merry Christmas. To those who don’t: Happy New Year (or any other holiday you do celebrate).
