Questions August 19, 2009
Posted by A in Dating, Relationships.Tags: Life, Relationships, Society
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I often have questions that I can’t answer run through my head.
Is love without chemistry possible?
What is love?
What does it feel like? What does it look like?
Why can’t anyone explain it to me?
How do you know if you’re in love? And no, “you just know” isn’t a good answer.
Am I willing to compromise on love in order to get other things in life that I want (husband and kids)?
How long will I wait?
Is there anyone out there who will love me, just as I am?
Will I find a man who will inspire me to be better?
Will I ever find a man who will be proud of me (family doesn’t count here)? Will I be proud of him? Does he even exist? Do I know him and just don’t realize it yet?
What’s wrong with me? Why do men find me intimidating? I hate that word, but even my friends tell me that. I don’t think there’s anything astonishing or remarkable or earth-shattering about me.
As always, these questions say more about me than I’d probably like, but that’s how life is.
What do I look for… June 30, 2009
Posted by A in Dating, Life, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, Life, men, Relationships
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I’ve been asked many times what I look for in a guy. First and foremost, I look for him to be a man, not just a “guy” or “boy”.
It really boils down to only a few things that I look for: the man has to be confident in himself; has to be a mensch, and has to have a great laugh/smile.
On the surface, this seems like it would be pretty easy for me to find a man who is of my religion, is confident, and has a great laugh. But then I have to explain what I mean by all those things.
First, to me confident doesn’t mean that the man is showing off in any way. If you’re truly confident, you don’t care what others think about you, but you are aware of what they think. Because you’re also not a social idiot, you are aware of social norms and know the time and place when it’s OK to deviate from them. Going to a formal wedding in shorts and a polo shirt is not a time or place to flaunt social norms, no matter how confident you are; it’s just plain rude. A confident man isn’t rude. Also, by confident, I mean quietly confident. Not brutish, rude, patronizing, demeaning, condescending or anything of the sort. Those demonstrate your lack of confidence, not the presence of it.
Secondly, what does it mean (to me) to be a mensch? It means that you are reliable, trustworthy, honest, honorable, polite, gentlemanly, respectful, you pull your own weight, you do the right thing, you do what needs to be done, you spend wisely, your friends respect you/ask for your advice, and you are someone I would be proud of. You are someone your kids should be proud of, someone they would look up to. This is one of the hardest things to find in today’s males; to me, this is what separates the boys/guys from men.
Notice that up to now, I haven’t mentioned appearance. I find confidence to be very sexy. But so is a great smile and a great laugh. It’s amazing to walk into a room and find a man with a great laugh telling a joke and laughing. The whole room is infected with laughter and everyone is happier. Of course, there’s a certain charisma/charm that goes with it. When was the last time you truly had a great laugh? Wouldn’t you like to laugh like that, to feel that light and alive more often? I know I do. As far as physical attributes, the man would have to be taller (and hopefully wider) than me. [Yes, I feel self-conscious if I think the guy is thinner than I am.] But finding someone taller than me hasn’t really been a problem in the past. It’s all the other things that are truly hard to find.
Of course, I could go on and on (maybe in another post) about what I’m looking for, but I think these are at the top of my list.
Dealing with it April 27, 2009
Posted by A in Life, Relationships.Tags: Life, Relationships
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I was in a slightly awkward situation today. Awkward just for me. I was in a room with a guy who looked so much like someone I had very deep feelings for. The guys could have been brothers (but they’re not related). I know that a year ago I would not have been able to concentrate on the task at hand and participate in the meeting. Today, I was just startled when he walked into the room. Just a momentary question in my mind – “what’s he doing here, he doesn’t work here”. But then I realized it’s the look-alike. And all was fine. I want to believe that if I ran across this other guy, the actual guy I had those feelings for, I’d be able to handle it like an adult, to pretend like nothing happened and socialize if need be, or say “hello” and move along if that’s an option.
I guess things like this happen when we don’t get answers or the “closure” everyone seems to be talking about. But there’s always closure, just maybe no explanations. And explanations is what I really like; I like knowing and it drives me positively mad not knowing. The “what if”s and “maybe”s keep me wrapped inside my mind for a long time. Then, one day, it’s less. And the next week, it might be less. Eventually, I move on. But I still want answers, fully realizing I’ll never have them. Oh well. It’s life. And I’m dealing with it.
Agency Date #8 March 2, 2009
Posted by A in Dating, Life, Random, Relationships.Tags: Dating, dating service, Life, Relationships
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UGH! I HATE DRIVING IN CHICAGO!!!!!!!
I was set to be 15 minutes early, but instead, ended up being 30 minutes late! I hate it. I called the restaurant a few times to tell him that I was stuck in traffic. And the thing is, I was stuck on the OFF RAMP! Seriously! Then, the street I needed was closed. UGH! And the GPS kept taking me in ever-widening concentric circles. I couldn’t find this restaurant the agency claims is really easy to find. Also, I asked them to pick a place closer to me, so I wouldn’t have to drive for 2 hours each way. What do they do? Find a place that’s 1 exit, that’s right, 1 exit closer!!
So I finally get there. The restaurant was incredibly loud and busy, so I could hardly hear what the guy was saying. The guy was nice enough, I suppose. But I was too distracted by a facial tick. I have a weird dislike of mouth twitches which is why I can’t stand to watch Brad Pitt. Part of the time the guy’s left side of the mouth was still, almost paralyzed, and at other times, it was moving just fine and the other side of the mouth was “paralyzed”. Very distracting.
The other thing that was a little awkward is that the guy was just too tall. I’m short (about 5 foot tall), and I’m gonna guess that the guy was about 6′4. Normally, a tall guy is not a problem; most of my friends are around 6 foot tall, and one of my former dance instructors was about that height. I almost feel comfortable with someone that tall, but this guy was just too tall.
Other than the mouth twitch and height, I can’t say that there was anything wrong with the guy. Just nothing in common, no chemistry.
Agency date “#5″ October 29, 2008
Posted by A in Dating, Life, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, Life, Relationships, single life, Society
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I don’t think I’ve been on a date more disastrous than this. Ever!
The first sign that this will be terrible was when the guy was about 10 minutes late. NEVER be late on a date. EVER! Call the restaurant and let the hostess/maitre ‘d let the other person know that you’ll be late ’cause you’re saving the world from a nuclear holocaust. That might be acceptable. Other than that, DON’T BE LATE!
The next troubling thing I noticed that he looked like Picasso rearranged Harry Connick Jr.’s face. The agency described him as “cute”. Nothing Picasso painted is “cute”. I don’t want to sound mean, but when I describe what I find attractive in a man’s physical attributes, crooked teeth, sideways nose, and shifty eyes don’t come into the description.
This guy was described as a chef. Turns out, he’s a cook at an elder care facility. And there’s nothing wrong with that, except a cook isn’t a chef. In addition to working as a cook, he also works as a lot attendant at a car dealership. Again, nothing wrong with that, except that the agency characterized their clients as professionals. To me, that means doctors, lawyers, accountants, teachers, IT folks, etc. Not lot attendants.
He barely got an Associate’s degree and to me, education is really important. Which is why I have a Master’s degree. When I told the agency that education is important to me, they must have thought that ANY education is good.
Then he ordered coffee. It took him about 5 minutes to figure out a tip on a cup of coffee!!! I don’t know if this guy is literate.
He was also described as ambitious. His greatest ambition, he told me, was to be a line cook at a restaurant.
The agency also described him as well traveled. The farthest the guy ever went is Chicago, which is about 75 miles from here. The guy spent his whole life in the same place and we to the “big city”, in a different state once!!!!!
And to top it all off, the guy has two cats!!!! I really don’t like cats, and I’m allergic. The date was short; I was back home within the hour. I think I saw the guy for only 35 minutes or so, and couldn’t wait to get out of there.
I’m so angry I’m still shaking and it’s been more than a week since this disaster.
Anyone know a good lawyer? The agency doesn’t want to refund my money.
Agency Date #4 October 7, 2008
Posted by A in Dating, Life, My Favorite Links, Random, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, Life, Relationships, Society
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You guessed it. It sucked. Again. Another strike for the agency.
I’m a person who is somewhat risk averse. Trying out a new restaurant or a type of cuisine is adventure enough. Who though that pairing me with a guy who likes snowmobiling and flying his own airplane is a good idea? I don’t even like roller coasters!
This guy was able to talk a little better than some others. But there’s only so much I can talk about with a guy who installs heating & cooling systems. We had nothing in common.
Agency Date #3 October 1, 2008
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A few days after Agency Date #2, I got a call from the agency and they told me “Great news, we have a new match for you and I think you’ll really like this guy”.
I was skeptical, naturally. But decided to give it a go. This guy is a few years younger (which could mean less mature, but not necessarily) and is a civil engineer. Again, I liked the science aspect.
As he and I started talking (yes, there actually was a conversation!), we realized that we went to the same university, just a few years appart. Since I graduated from the same college (college of applied science and engineering), it was interesting to see if we had any of the same teachers. It turned out that we didn’t have any instructors in common, but something even more obscure. When I worked at the university (as part of the work-study program), I worked for a Center that deals with by-products and how to use those by-poducts, such as ash, to strengthen concrete. Since this guy was a civil engineer, I asked if he new knew of that Center. Turns out, the director of the Center was his teacher, and that same director was my boss at some point.
Weird! We had a good laugh about it.
We talked about travel too, and I was intrigued about how much traveling he’s done.
At the end of the date, we actually exchanged some information (e-mail, phone number). I also told the agency that this is the general type of guy that would probably work for me, but to try to match a few more attributes (other than just being able to keep up with me in conversation).
But he and I exchanged a few e-mailes and a few phone calls. We planned to meet for lunch one day, but he canceled. Never heard from him since.
Dating still sucks.
Agency Date #2 October 1, 2008
Posted by A in Dating, Life, My Favorite Links, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, Life, Relationships, Society
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After diligently providing the details of why Date #1 was terrible and how to improve, I really had my hopes up for Date #2.
I should have known better. They way the guy was described was kinda like he was a hippie, but confused. He was at the outside of my dating age range, so I thought he’d be mature and a gentleman and interesting. I thought he’d have some interesting stories to tell, so I was hoping for a great conversation.
The guy hardly looked me the whole time! He kept looking over my left shoulder the whole time. That’s just rude. I traveled a little recently, and he did too, but his travels seemed to be before I was born. Yikes! Ok, not quite that long ago, but it sure felt like that. No conversation here. Just me sitting holding my glass of water and playing with the water droplets.
BORING!
Yet again I provide detailed feedback to the agency as to why this date sucked as well.
Dating still sucks October 1, 2008
Posted by A in Dating, Life, My Favorite Links, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, dating service, Life, Relationships
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I hate dating.
I had no luck with online dating sites and I tried a few of them. So I wanted to find something a little more personalized. Since I live in a fairly small city, we don’t have a lot of options here. But I found one international agency and they seemed OK. So I signed up. It costs A LOT! And it still sucks.
I met with a “director” for an hour and we chatted about this and that. I feel that she didn’t ask the important questions and this agency does not match on too many criteria, as it turns out. One of the reasons dating sucks for me is because I have a hard time finding people of a similar mind. I specified different things that are important to me, but they can only deal with 3 criteria.
Details of each date to follow.
Agency Date #1 October 1, 2008
Posted by A in Dating, Life, My Favorite Links, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, Life, Relationships, single life, Society
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So the agency set me up on a date with a radiologist. I thought “cool, I like science, I used to work for a medical devices company, so we’ll have something to talk about.”
Wrong. Talking to this guy was worse than pulling teeth (and I’ve had my teeth pulled in Russia! with what looked like pliers).
It was terrible. There are only so many times I can say “it’s interesting” and actually fake some interest. I’m not that good at acting. The hour and a half was miserable.
At the end of the date, I provided my feedback to the agency. I was hoping that Date #2 would be better.
