Questions August 19, 2009
Posted by A in Dating, Relationships.Tags: Life, Relationships, Society
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I often have questions that I can’t answer run through my head.
Is love without chemistry possible?
What is love?
What does it feel like? What does it look like?
Why can’t anyone explain it to me?
How do you know if you’re in love? And no, “you just know” isn’t a good answer.
Am I willing to compromise on love in order to get other things in life that I want (husband and kids)?
How long will I wait?
Is there anyone out there who will love me, just as I am?
Will I find a man who will inspire me to be better?
Will I ever find a man who will be proud of me (family doesn’t count here)? Will I be proud of him? Does he even exist? Do I know him and just don’t realize it yet?
What’s wrong with me? Why do men find me intimidating? I hate that word, but even my friends tell me that. I don’t think there’s anything astonishing or remarkable or earth-shattering about me.
As always, these questions say more about me than I’d probably like, but that’s how life is.
Movies August 13, 2009
Posted by A in Entertainment, Life, Society.Tags: men, movie, Society
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I really don’t like going to the movie theater much. It has everything to do with rude people who answer their phone, text, eat noisily, or open up a scrunchy bag of snacks. I hate the little noises. But I figured that if I go to a late showing and on a week day, the chances of those things happening is greatly dimished. I love it when I’m right.
So today I went to see the new chick-flick, Julia and Julia. I liked it. It was just a very heart-warming, charming, almost nostaligia-inducing movie. Almost makes me want to go to Paris. Almost. I know, I’m crazy for not having Paris at the top of my list, but it’s not. And I even took French in high school with the sole purpose of going to France someday (though at the time, I thought “some day” would be the Junior year trip, which I didn’t participate in).
The other reason I really liked the movie is that it’s a rare gem where an American male who is white, a husband, is portrayed in a positive light. There were two such examples in the movie. Both husbands were depicted as loving and caring and really believing in their wives. They encouraged them when they needed it, they wiped the tears and listned when it was needed, they were there and they paid attention. How much of that was true to life I don’t know, but it was good to see a positive representation of a man.
Agency Date #9 March 3, 2009
Posted by A in Dating, Life, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, dating service, Life, Society
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Ok, this is the last date I went on and it was yesterday. The guy was OK. At least he showed up on time and had clean clothes (mind you, the clothes weren’t ironed). But I had the feeling that none of us wanted to be there. I certainly didn’t, and he yawned enough to make me think he’d rather be elsewhere. The agency told me his age was in the mid-30s. I think they made a mistake; he looked to be a lot closer to 40 than they indicated. And that’s not really a big issue.
There was absolutely no chemistry, nothing interesting to talk about, just blah. I have met some interesting people, some whose comments and questions challange you in a completely conversational and non-confrontational manner. Those conversations are exciting and envigorating. The conversation with this guy…. I felt like I was half-asleep; it was quite boring. And I have to admit, I was exhausted. But I didn’t want to reschedule since this date was alredy rescheduled from a different day. The guy probably thought I was completely boring too. Which is fine. I don’t care what he thinks of me since I won’t see him again.
Oh well.
I’m finding it increasingly more difficult to be optimistic about dating. Did I mention that dating sucks and that I hate it?
Agency Date #7 February 27, 2009
Posted by A in Dating, Life, Random, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, dating service, Life, Society
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Actually, I was pleasantly surprised. The guy was confident, positive, happy/content, well-traveled, interesting, educated, pleasant looking, he has a good job (he can support himself), and he could carry on a conversation. Of course, the agency had to screw things up. Here are the 2 major ways they managed to do that:
1. They told me the wrong age for the guy, he ended up being 13 years older than I am, and that’s a little creepy to me. Not to say that it can’t work for someone else.
2. He isn’t interested in having more kids. That’s a deal breaker for me. But it makes sense given his age and that his oldest daughter is 20, which makes her closer to my age than him. That too is creepy.
DAMN! Oh well, hopefully the agency will get it right soon, though I’m not holding my breath.
Birthday February 27, 2009
Posted by A in Friends, Life, Relationships, Society, self.Tags: birthday, Friends, Society
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As kids, we look forward to birthdays with great anticipation. As adults, many of us dread turning another year older. Usually, I dread my birthday and it’s not because I wish for the alternative.
Last year, my birthday was really hard on me. Not because I am now in a different age bracket or started a new decade of my life. It was hard because I thought I’d be much farther along in life than I am. I just naturally assumed that by a certain age, my life would look a certain way. Well, it doesn’t. I feel like I’m “behind” where I should be, and before you ask who determines the “where should you be” – I determine that.
Another reason I dread my birthday is I don’t really want to celebrate it. I want to celebrate achievement. Thank God we live in a time when reaching adulthood is no longer an achievement worth celebrating. It’s not like I’m over 100, though that would certainly be a number worth celebrating. Thank God (and modern medicine, living conditions, and progress on too many fronts to mention) that my age is no longer considered “old age” or even close to it.
Now, when I say I don’t want to celebrate it, I mean *I* don’t want to make a big fuss about. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want others to make a big fuss about it. I know, I know, silly. But true. Don’t get me wrong, I love my birthday, and I do look forward to it, though no longer with the anticipation and excitement I had as a child. Even something as small as getting a phone call from those who are important to me, makes the day great.
Does any of that make sense to anyone else?
Catching up February 14, 2009
Posted by A in Friends, Life, Random, Relationships, Society.Tags: catching up, Friends, Life, Society
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In the last few months I’ve been doing a lot of catching up. Not on things like work or house work or reading or whatever but catching up with people I haven’t seen in a while.
This past December a fried whom I haven’t seen in a few years was in town with his family. It’s been more than 2 years since I’ve seen them and it was good to catch up and meet his toddler. A very adorable boy who was very tired because his schedule was all different.
A few weeks ago, I had lunch with a friend whom I haven’t seen since my last birthday (which was almost a year ago). Turns out that he works practically across the street from where I work, but when he started work at this new job, it was too cold for us to meet for lunch. He did call a few months ago and I told him that I’m a wuss to go out in the cold and that we’d have to wait till the weather is better. Since he knows me well enough, he just chuckled and said “OK”. But the weather was absolutely great about a week or so ago, so I called him up and we had lunch. It was really great to catch up. Can’t believe his daughter is already 5 years old! I remember holding her when she was just 1 day old. Though, I bet she’s already nearly as tall as I am.
Then today, I had a chance to catch up with a college buddy whom I haven’t seen in about 10 years, if not more. We’ve exchanged a handful of e-mails through all that time, but never actually got to hang out. See, we were really great friends in college and used to hang out ALL the time. We had some crazy great conversations, did homework together, and even designed a website for one of the clubs on campus. But we went our different ways; he moved to CA and I stayed here.
Well, we finally got together in person and between bites of very delicious pizza shares some stories of the past 10 years. It was fun; the hours we spent chatting just flew by. But it was also surprising. After not seeing someone for such a long time, you never know how that person changed, if at all. The surprise was that we kinda picked up where we left off. Like the 10 years didn’t elapse. He also said that I’m still the same. I’m not sure about that; sure I have a few extra pounds, a few more gray hair, but I think I changed in some ways. I know I definitely learned a lot. But I also know that the core of who I am is the same (so he’s right on that account) and that core will never change. I often describe myself as WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get), take it or leave it, I am consistent. I don’t change to please someone, if I change, it’s to make me happy.
Gifts December 27, 2008
Posted by A in Random, Society, Western Civilization, manners.Tags: gift-giving, gifts, manners, Society
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Every once in a while I read or hear about avaricious children. They rip into their beautifully gift-wrapped packages, displaying the gift to everyone around, focusing on the “thing”.
The culture in which I grew up does not handle gifts like that at all. Sure, gifts are given, but they are not opened with others around. If you’re a kid, you open them with your parents (and maybe grandparents, if you live together with them) and that’s it.
There are a few reasons that gifts aren’t open in front of other party guests.
One reason is that the person’s presence is enough of a gift and you should be thankfull for spending the day with those you love. It would be considered the height of rudeness to open gifts when the guests are still at the party.
The other reason is that it could embarass some of the guests. What if someone isn’t as well-off as others at the party? People might feel self-consious. Again, it’s the duty of the party host to make everyone feel welcome and comfortable. And if the gift recipient is a child, it’s the parents’ responsibility to make the guests feel comfortable and welcome.
Memorial Service for the Massacred December 3, 2008
Posted by A in Jews, Life, Politics, Religion, Society.Tags: Jews, memorial service, mumbai killings, Society
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Memorial Candles
The horrific murders in Mumbai last week were … horrific. Not stunning or shocking. I am no longer shocked when Jewish people are killed simply for being Jewish. When I first heard about it, I cried. My first reaction was “no way, this is not happening.” Which quickly turned into “why?” and “will it ever end?”
The reality is that I know the answers to those questions. I’m not shocked at these atrocities because Jewish people have been killed simply for being Jewish for thousands of years. It will never end.
This evening the local JCC had a memorial service for the massacred people in Mumbai. It was gut-wrenching. You could hear lots of people crying but nobody was uncontrollable. I ended up sobbing at home. Someohow, I think others cried for real privately too.
During the service, the rabbi asked that we each do something meaningful to honor the memories of those who died. These are such simple things, like lighting candles on Shabbat, donating your collected pocket change, being a better person, doing something nice for someone. There are a thousand ways to honor those who have died simply because they’re Jewish. There are thousands ways to honor those who died protecting our lives.
Do something nice for someone.
Agency date “#5″ October 29, 2008
Posted by A in Dating, Life, Relationships, Society.Tags: Dating, Life, Relationships, single life, Society
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I don’t think I’ve been on a date more disastrous than this. Ever!
The first sign that this will be terrible was when the guy was about 10 minutes late. NEVER be late on a date. EVER! Call the restaurant and let the hostess/maitre ‘d let the other person know that you’ll be late ’cause you’re saving the world from a nuclear holocaust. That might be acceptable. Other than that, DON’T BE LATE!
The next troubling thing I noticed that he looked like Picasso rearranged Harry Connick Jr.’s face. The agency described him as “cute”. Nothing Picasso painted is “cute”. I don’t want to sound mean, but when I describe what I find attractive in a man’s physical attributes, crooked teeth, sideways nose, and shifty eyes don’t come into the description.
This guy was described as a chef. Turns out, he’s a cook at an elder care facility. And there’s nothing wrong with that, except a cook isn’t a chef. In addition to working as a cook, he also works as a lot attendant at a car dealership. Again, nothing wrong with that, except that the agency characterized their clients as professionals. To me, that means doctors, lawyers, accountants, teachers, IT folks, etc. Not lot attendants.
He barely got an Associate’s degree and to me, education is really important. Which is why I have a Master’s degree. When I told the agency that education is important to me, they must have thought that ANY education is good.
Then he ordered coffee. It took him about 5 minutes to figure out a tip on a cup of coffee!!! I don’t know if this guy is literate.
He was also described as ambitious. His greatest ambition, he told me, was to be a line cook at a restaurant.
The agency also described him as well traveled. The farthest the guy ever went is Chicago, which is about 75 miles from here. The guy spent his whole life in the same place and we to the “big city”, in a different state once!!!!!
And to top it all off, the guy has two cats!!!! I really don’t like cats, and I’m allergic. The date was short; I was back home within the hour. I think I saw the guy for only 35 minutes or so, and couldn’t wait to get out of there.
I’m so angry I’m still shaking and it’s been more than a week since this disaster.
Anyone know a good lawyer? The agency doesn’t want to refund my money.
